AAA info and tools for success

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Our Ever-Changing Role as a Parent

We watch our children grow right before our very eyes.  It seems like yesterday they were a baby learning to crawl, walk, and feed themselves, and now they’re in school, involved in activities, making friends, and learning to be more and more independent.  Parents before us have said that from the time they’re born, we are constantly learning to let go.  As a result, our parenting strategies have to change. As our child grows, develops, learns, and matures, so does our parenting role.

As your child has grown, you undoubtedly have discovered they have their own unique personality and temperament.  You’ve probably unconsciously redeveloped your parenting skills around the individual needs of your child.  And no two children are exactly alike, and therefore, neither should your parenting style.  Some children may need more guidance and feel more unsure of themselves, so we’ve become used to having to guide, lead, show and encourage that child consistently through their childhood while still trying to encourage independence and give praise in order to build their self esteem and confidence level.  Yet another child may be very intrinsically motivated and very willful and not need a great deal of guidance or leadership from you. While you encourage their independence, it’s also important that you also encourage their ability to ask for help when needed and continue to praise good deeds, actions, and traits.  

The most important tools we have in order to successfully adjust our parenting skills are our eyes and our ears.  We have to see what’s going on with our child and we have to hear what they are telling us.  It’s important that we encourage our child to be their own individual while still being available to them at whatever level or degree they need us to be.  Sometimes it’s situation-specific as well.  A child may not need us to be as directly involved with their schooling to ensure their overall academic success, but they may need us to be more involved in their social life as they may be feeling a bit shaky or scared when it comes to making new friends or meeting new people. 

So the bottom line is this:  as your child grows and changes, so should your parenting skills.  Keep your eyes and ears open and communicate honestly and openly with your child, and you’ll both mature gracefully.
Here is a link to just one of my resource mini sites:

http://infoidiot.info/guide/good-parenting.html

When you want them to understand Do As I Say  you must show them Do As I Do…
Children learn to imitate at a very young age.  It’s how they learn to behave, care for themselves, develop new skills, and communicate with others. From their earliest moments they watch you closely and pattern their own behavior and beliefs after yours. Your examples become permanent images, which will shape their attitudes and actions for the rest of their life.
It’s important to be responsible, consistent and loving with your child.  This also holds true for the relationship you have with your spouse, your parents, and other family members and friends that are also a part of your child’s life.  Own up to mistakes when you make them, and communicate open and honestly with all family members. 
It’s also important to take good care of yourself.  When we’re focusing on what’s best for our child it’s easy to neglect our own needs.  Your child and your family are counting on you physically and emotionally, so it’s imperative that you teach your child by example that taking care of yourself helps you to take care of them and the rest of your family.  This shows your child that not only do you love them and the rest of the family, but you love yourself as well.  This is an important step in teaching your child about self esteem.  This may involve getting a sitter and treating yourself out to dinner and a movie, or doing another favorite activity on your own.  This teaches your child that you are not only their parent, but your own person with your interests and needs, and also gives them a chance to show you how well they can do without you with them for a while.
It’s also important to nurture your relationship with your spouse.  Let your child see you communicate in a positive and healthy manner with one another, and show love and affection for one another so your child can begin to learn early on what a healthy marriage should be like. 
You’ll soon see your child patterning many of his behaviors after your own.  So make sure that what you say and do around your child will help build a strong sense of security and self esteem.

Learn from Your Own Mistakes and so will Your Child

Everyone makes mistakes. Granted, some mistakes are more significant than others and harder to get over, but they are a part of life and learning. How individuals deal with those mistakes is significant to their self-esteem.  Children who are taught from an early age to admit to their mistakes understand that it’s not a crime to make one, and they seem to have the ability to cope much better with them.  They recognize that a mistake was made and admit the error. Most importantly, these children also develop a strategy to change the mistake and not do the same thing again.

The process of making and learning from mistakes is an extremely valuable life skill for everyone because learning involves risking. Every time children risk, they will not always succeed.  But they tried something new and most likely learned from it as a result. 

Children with low self-esteem deal with making a mistake quite differently. More often than not, these children use the experience to devalue themselves. Instead of looking at the error as an opportunity to learn, these children interpret the experience as a reason to quit and never try again. They view it as a devaluing and humiliating experience.
You can help your child cope with mistakes by first making sure they understand that everyone makes mistakes, even you.  Own up to your own mistakes to teach them there’s no shame in making them. Make sure they understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.  This presents a great opportunity to tell your child what you’ve learned to do differently the next time.  Then, offer strategies to turn mistakes into learning opportunities. In the process, you can provide your child with an opportunity to enhance their self-esteem and accept responsibility for the mistakes they make. Help your child to realize that the mistake is the problem, and not them.  Then help them develop a positive plan for the next time around, and what they’ll do differently the next time to avoid making the same mistake again.
 

The Keys to Effective Discipline
Disciplining a child is one of the most important, yet difficult, roles of being a parent.  Effective discipline teaches a child to be self-disciplined later in life.  It helps your child grow up to be happy and well-adjusted. Effective and positive discipline teaches and guides children, and helps them to feel safe, secure, and valued.  
Discipline should be based on a child’s age, development and temperament. A parent’s goals by disciplining their child is to protect them from danger, to help them learn self-control and self-discipline and to develop a sense of responsibility. 
Children should be respectful of their parent’s authority. If they’re disciplined harshly or unfairly, especially if it includes shouting or humiliating, will make it difficult if not impossible for a child to respect and trust their parent.
Parents must be consistent in their discipline. Discipline that’s not consistent is confusing to children, no matter how old they are. If parents are inconsistent in the way they discipline their children, children may find it hard to respect them. It can also indirectly encourage misbehaving and result in confusion and frustration for the child.
Discipline must also be fair.  Parents must make sure that the punishment fits the crime and doesn’t punish too severely or is too lax. The consequences of their actions should be related to their behavior.
In order to discourage bad behavior, give your child choices about what to do. He will appreciate the chance to make decisions. Make sure rules that protect the safety, health and well-being of your child are given top priority.  If your child is irritable, tired or upset, be understanding and try to help calm them. It’s important to keep in mind that bad behavior can sometimes be circumstantial. 
Encourage positive behavior in your child by spending quality time alone with your child each day. Give your child hugs, cuddles or a gentle pat on the back, and give praise when praise is due.  If your child is angry or sad, try to understand why.  Teach your child good behavior by setting a good example and behaving properly and appropriately yourself.